Spin Me Right Round
by Shinoda Senshi
Summary: The wind whipping at his face. The heart stopping speeds and the stomach churning drops. Who doesn't love a rollercoaster ride? Being strapped into those mad machines and hurling through the air? John Cena, that's who. *Warning: Contains slash*


**Spin Me Right Round**

John collapsed onto the bench. He dropped his head into his hands and waited for his brain to unscramble. It was a long wait. "I hate you so much, Randy Orton."

Best friend and confidante, Randy Orton sat down beside him. Slowly, he sipped from a cup of cool and refreshing iced tea. "Why?" he asked. "Because you were sad, lonely, pathetic…"

"I am not pathetic!" John groaned as the pounding in his head doubled. Shouting of any kind of absolutely out of the question. What he needed to find was a nice, quiet place to gather his wits. Such a place he was unlikely to come across, given his current location.

In typical Orton fashion, Randy steamrolled over John's protests. "You asked me… No, _begged_ me to set you up with someone so you wouldn't spend the rest of your nights with an Xbox controller in one hand and your dick in the other."

"So much hate," sighed Cena. "Also, I may have whiplash. Not that you care. Just making conversation." The roar of the monstrous machines around him threatened to drive him mad.

"Out of the goodness of my heart," said Randy. "I set you up with someone young and energetic." He elbowed his friend in the side. "Something you need because, let's face facts, you creak more than a staircase in a haunted house."

John raised his head to glare at the grinning man seated beside him. "You are just as old as me, so don't even start!"

"My point," said Randy, patting John's cheek, "is that because of my good deed, you have a boyfriend that can put his ankles behind his head. Feel free to thank me at any time."

No good deed went unpunished. If Randy kept talking, John fully intended to start doling out the punishment. "Sure, Ro-ro. Come closer so I can lovingly wrap my hands around your neck."

Randy jumped to his feet. "Careful, John-boy. My boyfriend can beat up your boyfriend."

Even though he was currently in a relationship with a lunatic, John defended his lover. "In your dreams. Which I'm sure are pretty sick and disgusting."

"What are you doing sitting down?" Cody Rhodes raced over to the bench, skidding to a halt in front of the two men. "We have to get on line for the next ride! Were you not listening in the car? We have an agenda, people!"

Of all the people to grace the world, John Cena managed to give his heart to a rollercoaster junkie. The young man practically vibrated with the need for speed. If he were in a laughing mood, John would have giggled at Cody's overly anxious state. Wide blue eyes, perfectly pouting lips, fists propped on the slim hips that, just the night before, John had gripped tight. The man truly was too adorable for words. And Cody knew it. He had the nerve to use his irresistibility to get whatever he wanted from John. Which tended to work ninety-nine percent of the time.

John decided to unleash the one percent and protest. He urged Cody closer. "Listen, Pickle…"

"_Pickle!_" The mouthful of tea in Randy's mouth spewed in all directions. He choked on some of the liquid. The harder he laughed, the more he coughed until John had to beat him on the back to keep him from dying. Finally able to draw an unrestricted breath, Randy croaked, "Pickle?"

Cody's pout intensified. "I like pickles."

"I don't know which I find more disconcerting." Wade Barrett sauntered over to the group. Even though the sky was overcast, he wore a pair of dark sunglasses. "The abominable state of the men's' facilities or the sight of you laying a heavy hand on my significant other. Do the two of you need a time out?"

"I was helping," said John. "He was choking."

Cody pointed an accusing finger at them. "They were slacking! I'll have no truck with slackers!"

"Now, Pickle…"

"Pickle?" Wade raised his shades to stare bewildered at Cody. "He calls you Pickle?"

Randy started laughing again. This time, he stayed clear of the iced tea. "That's why I was choking!"

"I like pickles," repeated Cody.

"And I like hand jobs," said Wade. "But you don't hear me being called Rosy Palms, do you?"

For some reason, every time the four of them got together, things got out of hand.

Cody called the group to attention. "Can we please focus? I distinctly recall going over the itinerary in the parking lot." He pulled the amusement park map from his back pocket. With a snap of his wrists, it unfolded. "The entrance is here." He tapped the spot at the bottom of the map with his finger. "Working in a clockwise direction, our goal is to hit every ride we come across." He gave John a pointed look. "Even the carousel, John. The carousel counts." Cody continued to trace his finger along their intended path. "Once we reach the twelve o'clock position, we'll stop for lunch. After a suitable rest period, our journey continues until we once again arrive at the entrance. Then we play games until dark before heading out to Chinese buffet because I like Chinese buffet." Having finished his outlining, Cody expertly refolded the map and tucked it back into his pocket. "This is not a designated rest area, so get your butts in gear! Those lines are not getting any shorter."

The commander had spoken.

"Come on, men," said Wade. "We've got a schedule to keep."

"A what?" asked Randy.

"A schedule."

"A what?"

Wade leaned in close. "Have all those screaming fans finally cost you your hearing? I said, a schedule." At Randy's growing grin, he turned away in disgust. "Oh, behave! We're in public."

"Can't help it." Randy beamed at the confused men. "You should hear him say _strawberries_. Gives me goosebumps every time."

Wade snatched Randy's cup out of his hand and tossed it into the nearby trash can. "I'd understand if you were only interested in my good looks or my body… But my accent!"

"Not just the accent," said Randy. He hugged Wade even as the man tried to pull away. "It's all three, plus that wonderfully devious mind. Thanks to you, I'll never look at a packet of instant pudding the same way again."

Compliments bought forgiveness in Wade's world. Lips against Randy's ear, he whispered, "Strawberries… Strawberries… Strawberries…" He smirked as Randy shivered.

Cody made a retching noise behind his hand.

"There are children," John scolded.

"And we live in a world where a person named Snooki can have a book on the bestseller's list." Wade continued to cuddle Randy. "I think the munchkins can handle a little man love."

"Please don't make me throw up," said Cody. "We still have half the park head of us and I don't have time to waste puking." He grabbed Wade by the shoulder, putting an end to the embrace. "Come on the next ride with me."

Wade tried to shake his grip, but Cody clung on. "Why me? Why don't you drag your boyfriend along?"

As John opened his mouth, Cody interjected. "Because he doesn't like rollercoasters." He smiled at Cena's surprised look. "I'm not dumb, you know. I can tell when you're just doing things because I like to do them. But it's okay. You've got Randy for your stuff and I've got Wade."

"You most certainly do not have me." Barrett took offense at the assumption.

Randy combed his fingers through Wade's hair. His fingers caressed his scalp before settling on the back of his neck. "Be Cody's rollercoaster buddy and I will make it up to you."

Wade fought the urge to purr as the fingers worked their magic. That man knew his sweet spots like no other. It was so like Orton to use that knowledge to his advantage. Wade made sure to clearly state the stipulations. "Breakfast in bed?"

"Bought a fresh bottle of syrup yesterday."

Cody looked at John as he pulled Wade away. "You know such strange people."

Watching the two depart, Randy sat beside Cena. "Looks like you dodged a bullet, Johnny. Plus, I think it's kind of sweet that Cody doesn't see you as a yellow-bellied coward who probably screams like an eight year old girl when flipped upside down."

Somewhere in his contract John was quite sure there existed a clause preventing him from tossing Randy head first into a garbage can. At least when on their day off. "If this whole wrestling thing doesn't work out for you, you should give writing for Hallmark a shot. Your musings are positively uplifting."

In truth, John did breathe easier knowing that he was not expected to share Cody's love of adrenaline. He preferred having his feet on the ground. Still, he felt the need to properly show his appreciation. Unlike his best friend, John was not about to glomp the boy in front of a bunch of strangers. Subtly was required.

That, and a great, big stuffed gorilla.

"Be right back." John stood, searching for the nearest gaming booth. "I'm gonna go win Cody King Kong."

"You know those games are probably rigged."

John didn't care. He was a man on a mission.

Twenty minutes later, he returned. He carried two stuffed animals as he made his way back to the bench. Randy sat alone, fiddling on his phone.

"Oh, ye of little faith," Cena crowed. He proudly displayed the gorilla. "I even got something for you." John draped a six foot snake around Randy's neck. A red velvet tongue poked out of its grinning mouth. "Our boys not back yet?"

"Nope." Randy picked at the snake with two fingers. As if the stuffed toy was radioactive. "How much did this cost you?"

"It's impolite to ask about the price."

"Pretend I'm an impolite person."

"Not sure my mind can make such a far leap."

"Tax yourself." Randy slapped him in the face with the snake's tail. "How much?"

Picking a piece of imaginary lint off the gorilla, John mumbled softly, "Fifty bucks."

"_Fifty bucks?_" Randy howled with laughter. "For a pair of dollar store rejects?"

"It's the thought that counts!"

"And I know what the game's dealer was thinking when he spotted you. _Oh, look! Here comes another sucker! Daddy's gonna have steak tonight!_"

John was saved from strangling Orton with the snake as Wade walked wobbly towards them. He weaved in one direction, paused to recalibrate his internal GPS, then headed on a semi-straight path to the bench.

"Question," said Barrett. He pointed at Randy. "Are you wearing a snake?"

"Yes."

"Good." Wade slumped onto the bench beside his lover. "Not brain damage, then. I swear my life flashed before my eyes on that last drop."

"Was I the best part?" asked Randy.

"Sadly, yes."

John looked around for his better half. He had a gorilla to deliver. "Where's Cody?"

Head resting on Randy's shoulder, Wade replied, "He wanted to get a picture. Why the hell do they put cameras on those things?"

Randy stroked his head. "To memorialize your terror, Cookie."

John pointed an accusing finger. "You call him Cookie yet you mock my Pickle?"

"He tried calling me Biscuit once," said Wade. He used the stuffed snake as a pillow. "Wouldn't talk to him for a week afterwards."

"Does that mean I can call you Biscuit?" The thought of gifted with the eternal silent treatment from Wade Barrett filled John with joy.

"Might be a bit difficult, what with your teeth being knocked down your throat, and all."

Violence was once again averted as Cody approached. Grinning wide, he practically skipped over to the bench. In his hands, he held an 8x10 envelope.

"If we have time, I'm _so_ going on that one again. Those loops were sick!" He noticed the large stuffed animal in John's lap. "Who's that for?" As if he didn't already know the answer.

Standing, John handed over the hard won prize. "It's for you, Pickle." He stomped on Orton's foot the second he sniggled. "Just a little something to show how much I care."

"For the price of that little something," said Randy, "that boy better do more than kiss your ass."

Cody ignored him and graciously accepted the gift. "You didn't have to do that, Ducky."

Both Wade and Randy burst out laughing. "_Ducky!_"

Glaring fiercely, Cody explained, "Every now and then, John and I like to have a bath together. When we do, he's my own personal rubber ducky."

Sadly, the elaboration did nothing to stop the two of them from giggling like hyenas. Their convulsions nearly sent them tumbling off the bench.

Cody kicked them each in the ankle. "There is nothing funny about bath and bubble time!"

"So much funny!" wheezed Wade. He wiped at the tears streaking down his cheeks. "So very, very much! Oh God, I think I pulled something!"

Ignoring the pair of them, Cody handed John the envelope. "Here. You can have this."

Inside was a photograph taken during the rollercoaster ride. A quick snapshot of one of the more heart stopping moments. Cody's eyes were practically blown open with the force of the gravitational pull. A bigger smile had yet to be seen on another person's face.

Until John caught glimpse of Wade. He cackled loud enough to draw several concerned stares from strangers passing by. Gripping the safety harness as if his very life depended on it, Wade's eyes were screwed shut. John could only imagine the scream that had emanated from that gaping maw. It was like a black hole in the middle of the man's face.

"Wow, Wade. Who would've thought you could open your mouth that wide?"

Acting swiftly, Barrett shoved the snake into Orton's mouth. "Not a word or I won't talk to you for a month. And when I say talk, I don't mean _talk_."

Kissing John's dimpled cheek, Cody said, "Again, you know the strangest people."

**END**


End file.
